A Year in the Life of a
Czech Plush Monkey.

Monkey's Story: What We Know & Don't
(Václav did it.)

One evening, very early in 2002, Václav found Monkey in the alley behind the family's Little Prague Bohemian Restaurant in Davis, CA. The simian wasn't dumpsterdiving or drinking cheap booze*, rather, he seemed dazed/lost/confused. The plush fellow had complete amnesia. He didn't know his name, how he'd gotten there, nor where he'd come from. Václav dubbed him "Opice" [pronounced OH-pits-zeh, meaning “monkey” with a slang variant meaning “drunk”] because amazingly, Monkey spoke Czech and acted tipsy. Sadly, neither condition has much improved.

Everyone at the restaurant soon learned Monkey takes life as it comes. He's a gay spirit, blithely living in nowness. He really doesn't care about yesterday's misadventures. Today's the day to commit new monkeyshines. Besides, a faulty memory means no worries, let alone troubled conscience. Monkey's amnesia is a convenient attribute.

But Monkey couldn't stay at the eatery; he needed a good home. Václav wanted to adopt Opice, but had a problem. The family already had too many pets: multiple cats and mice, an uninvited raccoon, and (above all) a dominant, attention demanding, miniature schnauzer named Nike.

Nike was the alpha-male. He took good care of his cats and especially kittens, which he mothered diligently (as self-proclaimed alpha-female, as well). Nike also loved his wards, the Burger Boys, so long as they remembered to love him back first, last, & foremost. Václav knew from all this that his dog's kingdom had no room within which to introduce an ape, plush or otherwise.

However, Václav also knew a petless house of baboons that could use a good aping, i.e., his sons' godparents' home. They lived nearly 20 miles away--all the better! And so it was that "Opice the Czech Plush Monkey" moved from the restaurant storeroom to Casa the Fruits (not to be confused with "Casa de Fruita"). TheGuys home is allegedly named for the back yard mini orchard of lemon, mandarin, tangerine, blood orange, tangelo, avocado, plum, fig, Fuji apple, and pomegranate, not to mention an extensive grape arbor and huge stand of… bananas! Monkey's fave! Truly this would be a good home for the fury fellow.

*per dumpsterdiving: Monkey holds a gold medal in the sport.

Note: Opice’s webmaster invites your MonkeyBiz suggestions for future furry fun. But don't bother suggesting CTRL+ALT+DELETE the site. Opice has opposable thumbs... but no fingers, just mitten hands/feet. (He calls them his "Michigan Grips.") They can't perform the 3-finger-salute. And anyway, to avoid disappointing you by never enacting your suggestion, we're divulging no email address or contact point.

Note more: Alas, everyone forgets Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. Click for U.P. Weather Webcams or the official Center for Upper Peninsula Studies or forget about it.

Note so you won't be confussed: Monkey admonishes that he "has nothing together with" Opus the Penguin.

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