Monkey's -- San "Simian" / Hearst Castle Adventure

Czech Plush Monkey's Adventures!

Monkey sees and does stuff.

San Simeon Simian & Hearst Castle

A paw thumps my foot. "Wake up!" Monkey demands.

What time is it?

"Time to go to San Simian!"

It's 4 AM. Hearst Castle won't open for hours. Our tour's this afternoon. I get a sneaky idea, Go wake your nephew.
It's unlikely Opice will be able to wake the kid before 9. Lukáš sleeps like a tater--vegetatively. But it is my circadian wake-up time. I get up and do some computer work in the quiet pre-dawn.

A couple hours later I check what happened to the plush eager-beaver. I find him cuddled up against Luke who has him in a hugger-lock. They seem to be wrestling for the title of Champion Snorer.

- - - - - -

A couple more hours later over breakfast, Monkey says, "San Simian's gonna be the best. Gimme that banana."

What do you say? Luke prompts not passing the fruit.

"Prosímpte. [pretty please]" Luke hands over the banana with a nod of that's-better.

Opice takes it with a hint of defiance on his face. "Will there be lots of us there?"

Lukášý confirms, It's a major tourist attraction. There'll probably be thousands of people.

"No, not you. Us." Opice clarifies.

Luke's baffled. We'll be the three of us.

Monkey's short temper fuse nears bursting. "No, no, no! We're going to San Simian, right?"

Yes. Hearst Castle at San Simeon.

"So there'll be lots of us there I can visit with, right?"

Lukáš is so confused by the ridiculous question he can only shake his head and look to me for help [which I refuse, smirking].

Monkey wants a yes, "Lots of simians, right!?"

Simeons? I don't know how the place got named. But I know it's not called San SimeonS! Luke over-stresses the "S," his bewilderment approaching Opice's irritation.

Opice knows he knows and declares it, "Hello!? It's named for sim-i-ans." He draws the word out for the stupid. "I'm a simian. Obviously simians go there, right!?!?"

The Luke-man nearly looses his cereal, suddenly comprehending the cross communication.
I'd been silently laughing all along. Now's the time to join the conversation.

Sorry, Monkey, but I think you're going to be the only Czech ape there. I wait for the development of a slightly crestfallen look, then add, which is terrific because that'll make you the center of attention as usual.

As predicted this puts Opice back in a good mood--not withstanding holding a certain grudge toward his nephew for being so dense and always making Monkey say please and thank-you in Czech. Stupid manors. If the kid would stop worrying about manors and pay more attention to Monkey, Lukáš would be a lot smatter for university.

- - - - - -

Riding in a car with Lukáš and Monkey slightly angry at each other is wonderful.
They don't talk to each other.
I don't have to put up with the unintelligible banter between different generations with nothing in common fighting to dominate the conversation with topics that disinterest me, if not them. ((Silent or not, they fight over who's CD plays next.))

The only thing better than the silence of our car-ride to Hearst Castle is when Monkey and Lukáš are fighting mad. Then Opice sits in the back seat and sullenly glares at his nephew's skull. That's when they tolerate my listening to National Public Radio, which each knows the other hates. ((Tho neither admits how much he hates it himself, thinking he's torturing the other more.))

And the only thing worse than when the two are happy with each other and chatter away about tennis and bananas and sports psychology and bananas (...) is when the Luke-man's girlfriend is with us and the couple wants to "sit" in the back seat and let Monkey drive.
SCARRY!

Lukáš versus Monkey
A Foto Journal Battle

Double vision sign sign.

Luke snaps this pic to establish location: Hearst San Simeon State Historical Monument. Unfortunately, the raised letters' shadows makes it hard to read the name.

Monkey climbs onto the sign and orders me to take the shot at right.

Looks like the point goes to Opice for clarity & composition--but 1/2 point to Lukáš for respecting state property.

Monkey being trashy.

We arrive at the staging area before Julia Morgan's architectural marvel. Monkey begins making his presence known by panhandling the rich tourists.

"Spare change?" he asks the moment the tour guides turn their backs. Then he sees his nephew photographing him begging. Opice hates incriminating evidence. He double-hates criminal proof! Triple-hates coins smaller than 25¢!!! Luke's two cents worth is the last provocation.

"This means war!" the plush-one vows.

Luke get's a point for catching our Czech in the act. Monkey's bad behavior costs him his point. [Luke --- 1.5; Opice -- 0]

"I call times out." Opice stops the game fearing he's already lost.

"I'll see you your Hearst Castle and raise you a real Julia Morgan home! Besides, it's in MY neighborhood--not on some hill miles from the nearest pizza parlor."

PROOF! This house designed by Julia Morgan.

It's a bold gamble.

Can Monkey juggle two tours at the same time with only 2 hands and a prehensile tail?

I'm inclined to give him a point for guts, if nothing else.

Luke --- 1.5
Opice -- 1.0

Welcome to my town's Julia Morgan house.

RIGHT
Luke takes the challenge but insists Monkey has to play fair. (With 2 decks? Dream on college boy.)

Luke poses Monkey on the steps with sculptures towering above for dramatic effect.

LEFT
Opice poses on the front steps of the Julia Morgan home, "which is practically in my own back yard!"

I correct him, it's 9 blocks away on the other side of the tracks.

"Yes but they're Light Rail tracks," he counters.
Yes but you don't know what the expression means.

"Yes but my foto's bigger."

Point well made: Monkey [2.0].

Opice sets up what he refers to as The 2-Shot.

"Here we see the grand entrance to this stately home with its towering trees and ornate pillars and adequate street parking."

Lukášý counters with a bold foto:
My picture shows towering towers and towering trees and ornately towering pillars. This is the stuff Ms. Morgan is best remembered for doing.

"You mean unbuilding and rebuilding." Monkey attempts to discredit the commanding snapshot with relevant details. "You know that guy Hearst kept changing his mind, making her build, tear down, and rebuild so many times... No wonder they ended up with such a lot of brickety-bracks and fancy-schmantz on gorgeous architecturing all over the place.

"Give me a nice clean line on plain old fashion rosebud colored stucco. That's what architects can do for my money. In fact, they could do a lot less for it."

This one's hard to score. Luke's image is a 2-pointer; but Monkey scores by sneaking in historical fact plus a reference to "rosebud."

Luke --- 3.5
Opice -- 3.0

RIGHT: This picture is worth a word: Gotcha!
Someone put up a small chain barrier and Monkey can't figure out how to get past it to get to the swimming pool. Luke gets another point for it [4.5].

However, the snapshot below is worth more than a word or point. It's worth a caption!

Please type your caption below for above.

RIGHT: Monkey says, "Thanx for trying" and laughs. "The dufus who makes my webpages doesn't know how to use a text box like the one you typed in. Consider this an exercise in perceived benefits only."

Opice loses a half-point for telling the truth [2.5].

"Now this is what I call a 'C-ment pond'!" Monkey luxuriates inside the spa.

"Compare this swimming pool to the Hearst pool Lukey photographed. Julia Morgan designed this one special and I think it's worth 5 points for my house tour."

So, you're claiming this is inside the Julia Morgan house?

"Not exactly..."

What exactly?

"Exactly I want to win and I couldn't get inside the Morgan house and it doesn't have a swimming pool outside. I looked!"

Opice loses another point for trying to mislead the public [1.5].

"No fair! I lose points for telling the truth and I lose points for lying. How am I supposed to win if I can't make it interesting? People want a good story told with every picture."

NOTE: Monkey wanted to sneak into Ms. Morgan's garden,
"But the gardeners kept watching me and they never smiled.
I think they might be simianistas. You know, prejudice against
us cousins." [1.0] for playing the species card.

"DOH!?" Monkey quotes brother Homer.

Lukas drags Opice back to the castle tour.

Everyone looks up admiring the ornate entryway. Opice must look down to be different, of course.

"Ah-hah!" he congratulates himself.
"This is my kind of interesting."

Rabbit tile.
"No one else is seeing what I'm seeing!
Rabbits, Dragon's, Fishies... I'm surprised
they let people walk on them without
appreciation or wiping their feet."

Monkey looks up to see the last of the tourists going inside. He hurries to catch up. A guide is explaining the room's woodwork, art, and statuary. That leads Monkey to make a shocking discovery.

He's so offended and shocked and awed that he's hiding the worst of it from you. But if you're brave and if you're at least 18 years old or not, roll your mouse cursor over the picture left and he'll share the dirty details.

"This has totally ruined everything for me!" he complains to those around him who can't avoid hearing. "I mean, the entire esthetic of the decor is like all cheapened and dirtied by it."

[Spoiler: There's a waste basket and cheap fan on the floor.]

We leave Hearst's huge reception lounge and enter a dark den, too dark to take Monkey pix because camera flashes are forbidden.

The room is being renovated from ceiling to floor. A scaffold stands beside the wall currently getting spruced up.

Monkey can't resist climbing scaffolding. He's all over it like a mad monk. He's forgotten all about competing with Luke. He's enthralled.

AND HE WON'T COME DOWN!

Wait a minute, Lukáš insists. Stop the webpage! How'd Monkey take this foto when they wouldn't let us use flash cameras in the room? He's cheating again! I want a recount!

Don't worry, nephew. You win the contest. And, yes, you're right. This is a live re-enactment of what happened. Actual state park scaffolds may vary.

This concludes our tour of San Simian. Please get back on the bus for
the ride back down to the parking lot and go back to wherever you came from.
Alternatively, you may wish to go back to the Santa Barbara"Overview" page.
Prosímpte.

It's a bus--not a castle!

More Santa Barbara
Anacapa Island Captain Monkey--Boat Driver Hearst Castle or Nitt-Witt Ridge?	Natural Hot Spring Sea Shells by Sea Shore by Oil Rig S.B. Natural History Museum S.B. "Overview"