A Year in the Life of a Czech Plush Monkey.
Week 14:  18 - 24 April 2004
Flower arranging Step 1: get stuff

Sunday, 18th

Flower Arranging Step 1:
Getta Vase, Some Flowers, and Lotsa Shrubbery

After last week's garden tour, Monkey wants to learn how to arrange flowers. He asks his friend Constantinho de Setùbal to teach him. "Connie's an expert. He drives the truck for a florist!"

Monday, 19th
Flower Arranging Step 2:
Shove Shrubbery Into Frog

Monkey and his Bonsai Master begin. Opice's worried. "But Master, are you sure it doesn't hurt the frog at the bottom of the pot?"

Feeling the other's pain you are? Wise that is. The Force is with you, young Opice-Kenobi. Push gently the flower in.
Flower arranging Step 2: Greens go into frog, Ouch!

Flower arranging Step 3: positioning the 1st posy.
Preparing to proceed, perhaps.

Tuesday, 20th
Flower Arranging Step 3:
Get the First Flower Right

Monkey contemplates this critical step. Everything depends on positioning the first posy. Get this wrong and it's back to step 3.

Today Hago's birthday is observed. (The real date is unknown.)

Wednesday, 21st
Flower Arranging Step 4:
Add a rose adds a rose adds a rose...

Monkey forges ahead. He's starting to get a feel for the process.

"If 1 flower's good, 2 are better. If 2 are better, 4 bests 2. If 4 are bester, then 8 are greater!
"When I perfect this bouquet, Bonsai Master, can I drive your flower truck?"

 Flower arranging Step 4: more more more!

Flower arranging Step 5: fussing. Thursday, 22nd Earth Day

Flower Arranging Step 5:
That All-important Last Step--the tjuzs (tjuzs spelled better).

Bonsai Master Setùbal, floral truck driver and Monkey mentor par excellence, demonstrates the final, essential touch: tjuzsing.

Ruin an arrangement you can. Careful must you be. Focused. Controlled. Steward of your planet, you are. Tjuzs or do not tjuzs; there is no try.

 

Friday, 23rd
Flower Arranging: Voilà!

It's all in the tjuzs spelled better, a few words about which.
"Tjuzs" is a new pop word in English meaning: to finish, finesse, tweak, adjust, perfect, fuss-with... But as always, ya can't guess how to spell it in English when you hear it. But Opice knows exactly how to spell it because he's Czech. Slavs have a letter for every sound in their language (and most of Monkey's utterances as well--scary, eh?).

 Flower Arranging final product. z-hacekrepresents the "s" sound in pleasure. This gives Czechs an unambiguous phonetic way to reproduce the new word: tjuzs spelled better. Meanwhile Anglos struggle with "tj" and "zs" both in the same word for the same sound!
  Monkey challenges you to guess what this word (legally) spells in English: GHOTI. [sound it out] Answer given tomorrow.

Monkey cleans up the English Language

Saturday, 24th

GHOTI spells "fish."
Monkey wants to clean up the sloppy English language. He dreams of rationalized spelling like Germans, Czechs, and other Europeans have. They hear a word and know with 99% certainty how to spell it. You think he's crazy?

This is crazy:   couGH + wOmen + poTIon = F + I + SH.

Monkey says, "It's funny, but stinks!"

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