A Year in the Life
of a Czech Plush Monkey. |
Week 47: 5 - 11 Dec. 2004 |
Steve crawls under the house to escape Monkey. |
Sunday, 5th Monkey's computer room is always too hot in summer. It's snug warm all winter with the heating vents closed, but summers, so many machines make too many BTUs [Boost Temperature Ups] for the A/C to cool. Opice asks Steve to fix that problem, "while your in there." In a futile effort to increase cooling air-flow (or get away from Opice), Steve goes under the house to change the way the air-ducts hook together. |
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Monkey soon sees he can't see anything Steve's doing and looses interest. He leaves just when the man needs a tool pushed under the house to him. Opice goes to help watch Paul unload the new central heat & air package. It comes with extra pipes for extra energy efficiency. It doesn't take long for our ape to become a furry pipe cleaner. |
Monday, 6th Someone is making a mistake. Someone has his back turned to the plush monkey. That's a very reckless way to work. Opice is also distracted. He's dismantling the duct extension Paul needs to make the holes in the house align with the holes on the new package. Steve suggests, "We could use portable holes; except we left them in the other truck." |
Matching the holes to match. |
The experts push the A/C-furnace into place (with Monkey's expert guidance, of course). "Things are really coming together," Opice puns unintentionally. "And now I'll have a cool computer room, won't I Steve?" The tech doesn't answer. "You changed the pipes, huh?" Monkey re-asks not being one to take no answer for an answer. Steve chooses his technically precise words carefully, "Ummmmm..." |
Tuesday, 7th The new system is clean and shiny. Monkey likes what he sees. He's certain it'll keep the house warm this winter, even if he's unsure what Steve meant yesterday about cooling next summer.
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The old furnace stopped firing on all thrusters and, therefore, had to be replaced. Monkey wants to be sure this machine's afterburners kick in full throttle when ignited. "Maybe I'll drill some extra gas-holes." |
Wednesday, 8th "Voilà!" or "Vole!" as Czechs often say. Monkey proudly displays the final task: connecting the gas-line to the new central heat & air. The job's done, except, perhaps, for air-conditioning the computer room which can't be verified until summer. "Like duh?!" Opice agrees with the installers. "You can't test the A/C when it's 50° outside. It has to be 100° to know if it's working." (Tee-hee: the above French does not equal the Czech.) |
Thursday, 9th Not long after the ABC men leave, Monkey hears a noise. At first he can't be sure where it's coming from, but before long he traces it to between the house and the A/C. What do you think he's found? |
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Steve's cellphone-radio! It somehow got left behind when he loaded the truck in the dark. Bad news for him. Monkey has already fashioned a twine belt to wear the fon. And we all know Monkey's policy on lost & found: "Finders keepers!" |
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The rest
of the story: Still, you don't suppose Monkey's behavior had anything to do with the approach of Christmas, do you? Because you know he believes in the power of the word: MINE. |
Friday, 10th David rewards Monkey for helping the furnace installers (especially for returning the lost fon). David specifies, "You may call friends in Czech Rep. for 10 minutes or call your nephew in The Bay for 5 minutes. That's because local long distance rates are far higher than long long distance charges. Physicists call this telephone paradox the 'Inverse fare law.' " "So can I call Václav in Davis?" "Only if you text message him. Davis is too close." |
(NCC-1701 not to Monkey's scale or vice versa.) |
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Saturday, 11th Monkey owns a LOT of floppy disks. A lot of his old floppies are going bad. It's called "shelf-life" or more often more correctly called "planned obsolescence." But that's a concept for another rant. "What a waste to throw these away," he complains. "Can't they be recycled or something?" "I can show you how to turn an old floppy disk into a model of Star Trek's original starship Enterprise," David says. "Wow! Cool! Let's do it!" "Ok. Go find some bad disks and we'll start tomorrow. Be sure to erase all the data or your Enterprise will be too heavy to achieve warp speed." Monkey looks confused for a second; then he gets David's teasing. |